50 Shades of Grey is selling faster than hoverboards at a Humourisms fan convention, and Jon Hozier-Byrne wants to get in on the action. Armed with little-to-no understanding of modern sexual politics or modern sexual sex, he tries to write him a best-seller.
“Oh”, she sighed, as Chrissy produced his large, hard DVD jewel case from his carrier bag.
“Tonight is the night”, Chrissy whispered, as he warmed up the laptop, because no-one actually has a DVD player anymore. “We’re watching Secretary.”
“Class”, moaned Annie, who hadn’t seen it, but had heard good things. She loved James Spader in Boston Legal, so it would probably be grand. And she hears the paperback adaptation is a bit of a saucy cracker, or at the very least, a Jacobs that has been dipped into some variety of roux.
She looked Chrissy up and down. He towered over her, reminding Annie of some sort of a tower – a sexy tower, the kind of tower you would want to bang. His large, bulging calves, barely obscured by his GAA socks, sang to Annie, like two Greek Sirens, whose song rang out, “lick the shins off me.” Continue reading