A guest post from our wage-slave pal Padraig Fox.
Sat through a 22 page PowerPoint presentation about a new product. It probably would have had more of an impact had the marketing graduate actually spelled the product name correctly on 16 of the 22 pages.
Consumed: 6 cups of coffee.
Heard the phrases “going forwards”, “cascade down” and “these economic times” all before 10am. Contemplated stabbing the next person who says “going forwards” in the eye with my pen. See how they get going forwards to hospital. Incidentally, every time I type “going forwards” Microsoft Word tells me its not an accurate phrase.
SEE THAT CORPORATE MANAGEMENT TYPES? NOT A REAL PHRASE!
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I was also informed by a colleague that something was a bit of a “damp squid” and also that the internet was a “mind of information”.
Yes, that does say mind and squid.
Consumed: 8 cups of coffee.
Was told by an irate customer that my company only wants to make a profit. Well, yes. That’s how the world of business works. And if that is not the primary aim of your business, sir, then I think I see the fatal flaw in your business plan. Left him a copy of our latest price list plus a copy of Business For Dummies. Sadly, that may also be too challenging a concept for this genius. A book! With advice! Not in the Midlands, thank you very much!
Consumed: 10 cups of coffee.
Another joyous day in the midlands. And when I say joyous, I mean hellish. Not just regular hell either but the inner most circles of Dante’s vision of hell. If that was in Offaly. Which I’m starting to believe it is. Told today that things were better in the old days.
Bear in mind electricity only came to the midlands in 1957.
That’ll give you an idea of depressing that place is. To top all this, I was informed that Tesco is run by a “Jew” and Lidl and Aldi are run by a pair of Krauts. Apparently in some parts of Offaly, it’s still 1937.
Look at that dumb frog.
Consumed: 16 cups of coffee, a new personal record.
The slow realisation that I should I have studied marketing in college is setting in as yet another marketing graduate gets one of the top jobs. Personally, I think it’s their ability to infuse their presentation packs with key demographic data mining, taking ownership of content management, ramping up our empowerment of the key stakeholders setting us up on a road map to success.*
That weird UFO is attacking the Midlands!
Consumed: 12 cups of coffee, 2 biscuits and an overwhelming desire to kill.
*Basically putting a pie chart on a page using stats found on google.
Padraig can be found on the road and on Twitter, complaining about the road.