Tag Archives: jean

My Top Four Favourite European Philosophers… and why!

Raphael's The School of Athens, portraying almost every Greek philosopher. If you look closely, you can see that one of them has their wang out.

Since my recent post ‘My Top Four Asian/Pan-Pacific Rimmer Philosophers… and why!’, I have been inundated with literally a million emails saying, “Hey Jon, you articulate and definitely not gay stud you, that was a great article, but why you be hatin’ on the great thinkers of the European tradition? I sure would love to see you rock about Locke, talk blue about Camus, and preach-a about Nietzsche. P.S. You are definitely not gay.” Seriously, all one million of them said exactly that.

So, never one to disappoint the loyal and always pleasantly commenting Humourisms fanbase, here are my Top Five European Philosophers In The World Ever, Now That’s What I Call Rational!

(Disclaimer: While I do have a degree in Philosophy, it’s been some time since I used it. Some facts may be incorrect, as my memory is a bit fuzzy on everything from Habermas to around Frichte. I could read them all again to fact check, but no-one actually cares.)

Number 4 – Jean Paul Sartre

No, you’re not looking at the real-life basis for James Bond, and no, that isn’t Groucho Marx without the grease-paint moustache. This is muthafuckin’ JP Sartre, and he’s here to blow minds and screw bitches – and he just ran out of bitches. Continue reading

The Very Last Real Men Smoke on Airplanes, with Dixon Coltrane

In the very last Real Men Smoke on Airplanes, Dixon Coltrane gives advice to one of the icons of early 2000′s hip-pop. Edited by Jon Hozier-Byrne

Dear Dixon,

I’m hoping you can help a dame out. As the college year comes to an end and I’m expected to hop skip it into the real world for good, I’ve been feeling mighty blue. The smarts I picked up in the Physics department sure as hell haven’t prepared me for life, let alone a career. I need to make some bread quick smart, and right now the best I can hope for is to find me a daddy and shake my cans for a fistful of fives. What’s a poorly educated oddball to do?

Yours,

That girl from Wyclef Jean’s ‘Perfect Gentlemen’

 

Listen here That Girl from Wyclef Jean’s ‘Perfect Gentleman’,

Saying that big goodbye is never easy. Whether it’s goodbye to the detective life, like ‘Hounded’ in the last column, goodbye to your fledgling friendships, like ‘Ginger Ballz’ in the column before that, or even goodbye to a domineering dame, like ‘Jack’s Raging Bile Duct’, all the way back in the very first Real Men Smoke On Airplanes – goodbyes are never easy. Saying that long, bitter-sweet goodbye to your adolescence, that’s a goodbye that sticks like molasses in your throat and stings like a thick, bitter smoke in your eyes. Continue reading