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After receiving a suggestion from one of our guest contributors, Damon Blake has gone ahead and written the guide you didn’t know you needed but most likely will soon.

With businesses collapsing like the dream buildings of Inception, companies have been laying off staff and giving them some well needed R&R, that is, Rejection and Redundancy. Redundancy is basically where people pay you not to work until you no longer work for them. It’s like being fired, except it’s the company that has done something wrong. To help you onto the path of making some of this sweet guilt-money, here’s the Top 5 ways for you to get it.

Number Five

People hate it when you’re bad at your job, however when you’re simply incompetent in the office you’re just a hassle to work with. When it comes time for an 11 O’Clock break, offer to make everyone coffee and instead pour unleaded petrol into everyone’s cups. When they angrily spit it out, grab the coffee packet and shove it in their face, telling them to take it up with Maxwell House, you’re just a patsy, a stooge, a caffeine scapegoat and you’re not going to take this slander anymore. Then drink some petrol and lock yourself in the toilets for half an hour while loudly crying.

Looks like a gallon of coffee to me.

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