I was handed this by a group of students distributing them on Grafton Street last week. Finally a portable dueling kit! Im assuming inside are two choices of weapon and you decide which one to carry into your battle to the death.
CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON!

OH DEAR GOD

SIR I CONCEDE…. YOU WIN!

George Fox is a Comedian/ Writer based In Dublin, Ireland. He can be seen performing live at numerous venues across Ireland. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook to find out dates for upcoming shows.

I’ve worked most of that part-time, two or three days a week. A lot of that was spent reading Wikipedia (he says, currently reading the Wikipedia entry for the 90s Spider-Man cartoon) or making these videos for RTE that are filled with crazy people. I guess if I got down to it I’ve worked here maybe a full week? That still makes me feel pretty tired.

Here’s a photo of me on my first day, five years and seven months ago.

Here’s a photo of me from a few weeks ago.

Time, she is a cruel mistress.

I’ve got a new job that is puuuuurty exciting for me and will be heaps of work so I’ve had to make some adjustments to my life. Less comedy, less coffee, less calling people “chief” until they start doing it sarcastically back to me until they start doing it for realsies.

So, this post is both so I can show off how nicely I’ve aged but to also say I probably won’t be about for a while…but what with the amount of cool comedy people who have stuff lined up for you, I won’t be missed. For the moment I’ll be recording a live-streamed podcast called The Late Late Late Show with Colin Chadwick, ep. 7 streams tonight at www.colinchadwick.com. It’s pretty ace.

See you about, in any case.

Are you a comedian based in Ireland? Is your relationship about to break up because you’re needy and filled with self-doubt? Do you often feel the need to discuss your gigs and comedy routines with your spouse or partner, whether they want to hear about it or not?

Rhapsody Tea – Comedy Escort can help. I offer a discreet girlfriend/spouse experience. I’ll listen to you all night long. Did that big bad heckler ruin your night? Well I have just the comeback for you. I just love to sit and analyse your new material with you. I’ll tell you what bits worked and what bits didn’t. I’ll make sure you rock the room and never have a weak ending. If you’ve just died on your arse, I’ll be ready, willing and able to agree with all your excuses. Did that other comedian just slight you? Well, he’s a no good hack anyways.

Rates are €100 per hour or €300 for a whole routine and the awkward car journey home.

Specialties include*
Microphone Discipline
Comebacks
Puns

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I cater to comedians of all styles. From Open Mics to Headliners. For personal reasons I don’t do MCs so please don’t ask.

So, are you funny enough for me? Check out my reviews on Chortle. Discretion Guaranteed.

Christian Talbot is a very talented stand-up comic and broadcaster. Check out his podcast, Seven2Ten, here, and like him on Facebook.

 Just as I sat down to write about my exhilarating adventure to find the birthplace of Lucy Liu, (mission accomplished by the way!) the Apocalypse decided to happen. I quickly realised that it wasn’t the actual Apocalypse, but a storm comprising of two parts electricity, one part water and three parts malice. [but a storm more akin to a high school production of Judgement Day]. Between bouts of soiling myself I clambered to the window to take a look at the storm outside. The lightening was so fast and regular that I was instantly reminds of the lights in the youth discos I went to during my teenage years. The thunder was so loud that it too reminded me of these discos, despite being a lot easier to listen to than some of the music that was played.

I returned to my desk feeling more calm and composed but still a little shitty-pantsed. I decided the best approach would be to ensure that the storm could not get into my apartment. I locked the doors, closed the windows and even turned off all of the lights to give the impression that there was nobody home. Rather than rest on my laurels, or even my hardys, I also created a contingency plan in case the storm manages to breach my defences, like some kind of electrostatic battering ram. This will pretty consisted of me wearing the rubber gloves from under the kitchen sink. My logic being that I’d be able to deflect or even catch the lightning. Yes, the combination of reading comics into the wee hours and the lack of sleep that this brings about has caused me to develop slight Walter Mitty tendencies, but there’s no harm in being prepared.
Just as I’m saying my farewells to the cats, the storm stops. Typical. Now the cats are going to be smug, thinking I meant all the nice things I said to them. I only made the emotional speech so as to meet my requirements as the underdog protagonist going into battle. It worked out alright for William Wallace as far I remembered. I probably should actually watch all of Braveheart though…

 A.K.A Captain Victory

You might think a film called The Avengers XXX doesn’t really need the subtitle  “A Porn Parody” to clarify things, in this case it a does because there already is a film called XXX Avengers (the tagline was ‘From Superhero Hero to Supersluts’).  This has no connection with the nonofficial superhero parody porn films of director Axel Braun. Thus far, Braun has made Batman XXX: A Porn Parody (2010), Superman XXX: A Porn Parody (2011), and The Incredible Hulk: A XXX Porn Parody (2011) to name but a few. He could have well have made another one by the time you’ve finished reading this.

One would think that creating adult movies based on superhero continuity would be the perfect storm of a business idea for getting money (or bittorrent waiting hours) from geeks.  Porn actors dressed as superheroes having sex, who wouldn’t want to watch that? Everyone.  Superhero porn films are like a rugby player who goes out and buys a foam-muscle Superman costume to wear on a stag party and calls himself a geek because he saw Star Wars once. These are jocks in geek clothing, and then getting rid of the clothing.

Back in the  late 1980s and early 1990s, people had to make their own entertainment (apart from VHS and a new thing called CDs) and you  had to imagine superheroes having sex in the privacy of your own home. Like..’oh wow can you imagine if Batman and Catwoman or if Spiderman had sex with Mary Jane (which one must assume he did, after they got married of course)’.  Imagining superheroes at it is geekily cool, actually seeing it is not.  Forget George Lucas, superhero porn parody films are ruining my youth, and the intricate fantasies I created, replaced by a lumbering monosyllabic mook in an Thor helmet.

My favourite superhero is She Hulk, especially John Byrne’s run on Sensational She-Hulk (1989). The character broke the fourth wall and actually talked the reader, the only example, before or since, of a lady actually talking to me and threatening to come to my house.

I won’t go into the sex scenes of The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody here, obviously you know what happens in them (incidentally if you do know what happens in them could you send me a crudely drawn diagram because my strict morals forced me to only watch the plot elements of the superhero scenes.)

The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody starts with shots of the desert and poor auld Bruce Banner in his pants just wandering around, a news report (“with damages running into the millions, it’s amazing one got killed”) explains this is the aftermath of a Las Vegas fight between the  Hulk the Abomination. We cut to (and mostly stay in) a disused warehouse:

I know what you’re thinking, S.H.I.E.L.D.’s budget has been cut…here’s where The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody becomes arguably more geeky than The Avengers: their perfectly cast dingus Hawkeye Goes ‘What a fucking dump Fury…the Fantastic Four get the Baxter building, and we get an old abandoned warehouse down by the wharf’ and Nick Fury replies “I don’t expect anyone who walks around in a blue helmet to understand what we’re doing here, it’s called being low key.”

There are also geeky nods to the more obscure corners of the Marvel universe:

Ms. Marvel: Are you telling me that the Living Laser and the Constrictor are more a threat than the Hulk?

Hawkeye: Not quite sure what the Skrulls did to you hon but looks like you got a fetish for green guys.

The Constrictor (below), although referenced does not appear, although his wrist mounted adamantium coils could have come in handy.  By the looks of things they were a hassle to carry around.

The plot is slight, there’s no overall villain, just them worrying about the Hulk. Spider-Man turns up to give out about why he hasn’t been asked to join. Then they all stop their bickering and are friends, so it has a happy ending, for the characters at least. The viewer is left with a vague sense of ennui and confusion and some things that can’t be unseen.

For prosperity, the pairings are: Hawkeye and Black Widow, Scarlet Witch and Ms. Marvel, Nick Fury and Sharon Carter (niece of one time Captain America girlfriend Peggy Carter), She-Hulk and Thor, and Spider-Man and Ms. Marvel.  Consulting my copy of the Marvel Universe Handbook, these are as evenly matched in terms of strength and superpowers as one could have hoped. Thus we are spared something like She-Hulk getting it on with Willie Lumpkin and injuries that would no doubt ensue. Stan Lee does not make a cameo.

Bizarrely, Iron Man and Hulk are mostly there for comic relief. The implications of Bruce Banner getting angry during sex are not explored. Similarly what gadgetry Tony Stark could have developed for the adult market is left to the imagination.  What isn’t left to the imagination is ex-wrestler Chyna painted green.  Think of it. That was someone’s job, to painstakingly paint Chyna green, and probably had to be on set for touch ups.   Someone lived their whole life not knowing that at some stage that would happen. So sad.  I mean, I applied for the job and everything but no success.

Lorcan McGrane is a comedian/writer/snappy dresser . He can be found on Twitter and Tumblr.

Check out Maria’s website at Twisted Lil Doodles and ‘Like’ her page on Facebook at Facebook.com/TwistedLilDoodles.

Heber Hanly is a very talented stand-up comic, filmmaker and photographer. Check out his tumblr, Rotating Photography, here.

Jon Hozier-Byrne & Conor O’Toole · with Aideen McQueen · Cranking by David Reilly