Conor O'Toole is a comedian from Dublin who draws a series called Concerns. He plays Conor Shaw in Student Teacher and @ConorOToole on Twitter. He hosts The Death of Comedy once a month. He is currently writing a show about his impending funeral.
Posted in Conor O'Toole, Jon Hozier-Byrne, Life in Ireland, Videos
50 Shades of Grey is selling faster than hoverboards at a Humourisms fan convention, and Jon Hozier-Byrne wants to get in on the action. Armed with little-to-no understanding of modern sexual politics or modern sexual sex, he tries to write him a best-seller.
“Oh”, she sighed, as Chrissy produced his large, hard DVD jewel case from his carrier bag.
“Tonight is the night”, Chrissy whispered, as he warmed up the laptop, because no-one actually has a DVD player anymore. “We’re watching Secretary.”
“Class”, moaned Annie, who hadn’t seen it, but had heard good things. She loved James Spader in Boston Legal, so it would probably be grand. And she hears the paperback adaptation is a bit of a saucy cracker, or at the very least, a Jacobs that has been dipped into some variety of roux.
She looked Chrissy up and down. He towered over her, reminding Annie of some sort of a tower – a sexy tower, the kind of tower you would want to bang. His large, bulging calves, barely obscured by his GAA socks, sang to Annie, like two Greek Sirens, whose song rang out, “lick the shins off me.” Continue reading
Posted in Jon Hozier-Byrne, Life in Ireland, Uncategorized
Tagged 32, 50, counties, el james, erotic, fifty, gray, grey, humourisms, of, shades, shift, shifting
Thank you to my godson, Keelan Murphy, age 10, for coming up with the idea for this week’s post. The kid is a genius.
Jon Hozier-Byrne is a journalist and comedy writer. Hey, you’re nice people, why not follow him on Twitter here, or listen to his podcast, the Film Show, here?
Posted in Authors, Categories, Guest, Jon Hozier-Byrne, Movies
Tagged abraham, abraham lincoln, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, booth, byrne, hozier, hozier-byrne, humourisms, hunter, john, jon, jon hozier-byrne, keelan murphy, lincoln, Movies, posters, Vampire, wilkes
I don't think it's homophobic to say that the Euro's mascots are weird.
Anyone who is reading a geek comedy website is sure to be a cool guy, totally down with all the balls, foot or otherwise. Our readers are men’s men, the kind of men who like to be manly with other man’s men, while watching tertiary man’s men run about a field, like men do. But maybe you slipped through the cracks, and got past any one of our seventeen anti-nerd countermeasures, and wandered onto this site – how do you interact with all the real men’s men, like us here at Humourisms? Between long winded posts about European philosophers and filming Game Boys webisodes, there’s nothing we like better than cracking a beer or similar carbonated beverage, and sitting down with the lads to watch ‘the big match’.
So, it’s been left up to me to explain to you non-macho men how to cope in the football-themed conversations that are currently dominating the country, and that we here at Humourisms freely engage in while lifting weights, eating steak directly off the cow, or on our way to and from our most reliable prosititutes. So, here is Humourisms’ guide to bluffing your way through Euro 2012.
Firstly, you must identify if you are, indeed, a bluffer. Here is a quick test, that you can take, at home, free of charge;
1) What do you and your friends, as a group, look like?
Pictured: the photograph that sparked a Europe-wide campaign against racism towards chairs.
2) As a child, which of these costumes would you have been more likely to wear?
From different worlds, yet in later life the two fell madly in love.
3) Finally, and perhaps most concisely, which character from Revenge of the Nerds do you most identify with?
On reflection, really could have opened with this one.
Posted in Authors, Categories, Features, How To, Jon Hozier-Byrne, Life in Ireland, Uncategorized
Tagged 2012, bluff, bluffing, byrne, euro, euro 2012, football, Guide, how, hozier, hozier-byrne, humourisms, ireland, jon, poland, to, ukraine
Raphael's The School of Athens, portraying almost every Greek philosopher. If you look closely, you can see that one of them has their wang out.
Since my recent post ‘My Top Four Asian/Pan-Pacific Rimmer Philosophers… and why!’, I have been inundated with literally a million emails saying, “Hey Jon, you articulate and definitely not gay stud you, that was a great article, but why you be hatin’ on the great thinkers of the European tradition? I sure would love to see you rock about Locke, talk blue about Camus, and preach-a about Nietzsche. P.S. You are definitely not gay.” Seriously, all one million of them said exactly that.
So, never one to disappoint the loyal and always pleasantly commenting Humourisms fanbase, here are my Top Five European Philosophers In The World Ever, Now That’s What I Call Rational!
(Disclaimer: While I do have a degree in Philosophy, it’s been some time since I used it. Some facts may be incorrect, as my memory is a bit fuzzy on everything from Habermas to around Frichte. I could read them all again to fact check, but no-one actually cares.)
Number 4 – Jean Paul Sartre
No, you’re not looking at the real-life basis for James Bond, and no, that isn’t Groucho Marx without the grease-paint moustache. This is muthafuckin’ JP Sartre, and he’s here to blow minds and screw bitches – and he just ran out of bitches. Continue reading
Posted in Authors, Features, Jon Hozier-Byrne, Top 5, Uncategorized
Tagged albert, camus, descartes, european, favourite, flynn, french, hozier, hozier-byrne, humourisms, jean, jon, kant, kelan, list, paul, philosophers, philosophy, rene, sartre, top 5
This week, Jon Hozier-Byrne explains the merits of giving Jon Hozier-Byrne a job.
As of quite recently, I am on the job hunt. I am journalist by trade, and have edited whole newspapers, magazines, and contributed to the Irish Times and other such big-time newspapers, but unfortunately, finding a job in the ever-expanding field of journalism is a degree more difficult than one might think. In fact, if you’re reading this, there is a decent enough chance that you’ve googled my name after I sent you a CV, and are trying to size me up as a candidate for employment, and also to see if I am mental. Well, look no further, as I present to you; five reasons why the search ends here, and why I am the only employee you will ever need.
5. I have lots of fancy book learning
As you can see from the above photograph of me looking at some books while holding my glasses, I am clearly the intellectual type. I have a Masters in Film studies, and a Bachelors in Philosophy and Film, clinically proven to be the two most intellectual and fancy of the Arts disciplines. Whats more, my Junior Cert results were off the hook. Seriously, they called me Mister CSPE. Continue reading
Posted in Authors, Categories, Features, Jon Hozier-Byrne, Life in Ireland, Top 5
Tagged 2012, a, byrne, five, give, hozier, hozier-byrne, humourisms, ireland, job, jon, jon hozier-byrne, me, no, please, reasons, seriously, top
While other websites carefully research their fun facts lists, Jon Hozier-Byrne just makes stuff up. This week, it’s Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney!
1. Mitt Romney comes from a long line of people named Romney
Yes, it’s true! Mitt Romney’s father, Charles ‘Dashing’ Romney, or C.D. Rom as he preferred to be known, was a prominent politician and outdated storage format. His mother, Veronica Anne Romney, or V.A. Rom (as was her nom de plume) was a schoolteacher, an amateur botanist, and the noise that cars make. Romney is a weird name, is what I’m saying. Continue reading
