Five reasons to give me a job

This week, Jon Hozier-Byrne explains the merits of giving Jon Hozier-Byrne a job.

As of quite recently, I am on the job hunt. I am journalist by trade, and have edited whole newspapers, magazines, and contributed to the Irish Times and other such big-time newspapers, but unfortunately, finding a job in the ever-expanding field of journalism is a degree more difficult than one might think. In fact, if you’re reading this, there is a decent enough chance that you’ve googled my name after I sent you a CV, and are trying to size me up as a candidate for employment, and also to see if I am mental. Well, look no further, as I present to you; five reasons why the search ends here, and why I am the only employee you will ever need.

5. I have lots of fancy book learning

As you can see from the above photograph of me looking at some books while holding my glasses, I am clearly the intellectual type. I have a Masters in Film studies, and a Bachelors in Philosophy and Film, clinically proven to be the two most intellectual and fancy of the Arts disciplines. Whats more, my Junior Cert results were off the hook. Seriously, they called me Mister CSPE.

4. I am sociable and easy to share an office with

Just look at this photograph, where I am responsibly enjoying a glass of wine while listening to your story with genuine interest. “No, he didn’t!” my eyes seem to say, encouraging you to go on. “She’s clearly jealous of you.”

3. I am extremely punctual

Here, this flower represents punctuality. See? I’m grasping it with my teeth. This is the guy you want to work with. Also, whenever you need a visual representation of punctuality, boom, I’m your guy.

2. I do an excellent impression of a Michael Buble album cover

Why spend company money on both a writer and a Michael Buble impersonator, when you can get both in one convenient package? Where else can you find a simultaneously experienced editor and the artwork for an Italian-Canadian crooner’s Best Of? Never let your office be Buble-free again, hire Jon Hozier-Byrne now.

1. I will give you this flower

If you hire me, I will give you this flower. I know, it’s a pretty sweet flower. Hey, I have three years experience in journalism, have edited the University Observer newspaper and InGoverment Magazine, co-host Ireland’s most downloaded podcast worldwide, am a film critic for Sunshine 106.8, and co-founded this very website, but balls, have you seen that flower? Niiice.

Jon Hozier-Byrne is a journalist and sometime stand-up comic, and is looking for work. Tweet at him here, because he is SO down with new media.