This week Michael Bay revealed that his reimagining of the Teenage Mutant Ninja/Hero Turtles will recast them as Aliens. We asked Comedian and Humourisms Reporter George Fox to take a look at ways Michael Bay could destroy our other childhood favourites.
1: “Hey Arnold”
Apparently Michael Bay wants to relaunch 90′s Nickelodeon cartoon “Hey Arnold” with a brand new origin story. In his new version main character, Arnold is abducted by aliens and has his DNA spliced with that of an american football which he was holding at the time of his abduction. This leads to his charcter waking up in bed the morning after being abducted with an actual football for a head. Much hilarity ensues as he is hunted by an american government sanctioned android codenamed H.E.L.G.A. Which stands for:
There’s also a black kid so people don’t think the movie is racist. But like all Michael bay movies, just one. Anymore would be ridiculous. Apparently.
Michael Bay also plans to relaunch Rugrats with a brave new twist in the story. The new Rugrats will feature not babies, but instead be recast as a story of a group of elderly friends who are stuck together in an old folks home. Apparently Betty White will be cast as Angelica, a character much older than the rest of the cast, while Ian Mckellan will be cast as Tommy. Producers are hopeful they will be able to acquire the talents of Patrick Stewart to play the role of best friend to Tommy, Chucky. Spike the dog will be voiced by Bruce Willis. Just Kidding, THAT would be ridiculous.
3: Care Bears:
Will be relaunched under the New Title…..
2:”Clarissa Explains It All”
Will be relaunched by Michael bay’s production company as…..
1: “Are You Afraid Of The Dark”
“Are You Afraid Of The Dark” will be re-imagined as a show where a bunch of kids gather around a camp fire late at night to share their favourite stories of car/helicopter/fight jet crashes which will be intercut with footage from Michael Bay films. Each episode will end with Michael Bay using a time machine to go back in time, beat up your childhood self, and then pee on you while screaming “EVERYTHING YOU LOVE BELONGS TO MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!”
Well, Thats all very depressing, so how about I cheer you up with the following picture of two girls who understand how to make our childhood memories BETTER.