Its a new year for Humourisms.com, and we are happy to welcome back comedian George Fox with his new series looking at gaming lessons learned in 2011.
TITLE: L.A. Noire 
WHAT IT TAUGHT US:
- ALWAYS Fuck Around With Crime Scenes:
If L.A Noire made anything clear to gamers in 2011, it was that cops in the 40′s were dickheads. In between driving around town running over pedestrians and stealing….. ahem sorry, “commandeering” other citizens vehicles you would also every now and then have to visit a crime scene. Now you or I may think a crime scene is the kinda place where caution must be taken not to destroy evidence or hamper the investigation by meddling with the body before its been checked for finger prints.
“Fuck that”, say cops of the 1940′s. And then I imagine they go back to drinking their malt, and talking about how everyone on their apartment building floor are “rubes”. I sure hope thats not a racial slur that I’m not aware of.
Evidence can go suck an egg as far as these cops care. You wanna find a criminal? Then go get handsy with that dead, naked body. But only after rummaging through the contents of a nearby bin,and don’t even think about wiping your hands you prissy princess!
Also, for some strange reason…. a key part of crime scene investigation in the 1940′s was putting your thumb on peoples chins….so,yeah.
If there was one other thing that L.A Noire taught us, it was that using real actors and face capture technology allowed them to create stupid mugs which could be contorted into all sorts of hateful poses that just begged you to let the lead fly like never before. None more so hateful or rage-inducing than the following face of PURE. EVIL. COCKINESS!
“It Wrecks The Cheese…..” AAAAAARGGGHHHH!!!! DIE!
Worst of all though, is the fact that MY OWN Xbox 360 died the week this game was released, and gamestop decided to run a competition where if you turned up the morning of L.A. Noire’s release dressed as a 1940′s character, you could win a brand new Xbox 360 250GB and Kinect Bundle. So guess what I did…….
………and I DIDNT FUCKING WIN! FUCK YOU LA NOIRE! FUCK YOU GAMESTOP! BUT FUCK YOU MOST OF ALL GUY WHO BROUGHT A PAPER MACHE TOMMY GUN TO WIN. FUCK YOU TO HELL!
Enjoy it… Cos I’m Gonna Fucking Bury You With It!
Well, I’ve got a new arch enemy! Only one thing left to say then…….
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!
- George Fox is a Comedian/ Writer based In Dublin, Ireland. He can be seen performing live at numerous venues across Ireland. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook to find out dates for upcoming shows.
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