Today George Fox gives us a rundown of the most embarrassing examples of human beings, at their most comfortable.
With the winter arriving and the cold weather nipping at our extremities like a deranged drunk girl in a nightclub trying to get all her female mates to dance to “Single Ladies” because “fuck it! We ARE single ladies!”, now seemed as good a time as any to look at the many ways in which we can try and stave off the cold. My first stop was supposed to be “Adult Pyjamas”, but what I was visually assaulted with, was a tirade of images so shocking and yet sublime, as to make the rest of my journey a moot point. Clearly this very behaviour in itself MUST be documented, and so I took it upon myself to dive, dignity first, into the world of……..
THE VERY WORST OF ADULTS IN PYJAMAS
COUPLES SECTION:
The “Overly Possessive Boyfriend” Pose:
- This is where she lets me put it. I Put it COS ITS MINE!
The “Oh My God, Is That A Shadow Or….No, No It Couldnt Be…Could it?” Pose.
- Either that, or he snuck a Toblerone in with him. A Duty-Free Toblerone.
The “Look At How Non-Racist I Am! I Banged A Black Chick!” Pose:
- It’s Not Racial Harmony, Cos They Both Just Finished Beating The Shit Out Of A Guy With SEALS On HIS Pyjamas.
The “Conjoined Twins With Legs Dangling From Ass” Pose:
- She’s The Fanciest Belt Buckle That’s Ever Existed!
The “We Fuck In These…….Alot!” Pose:
- And We Are In Fact , RIGHT NOW!………………. we do yoga.
GROUP SECTION:
The “We Want To Experience An Orgy, But Not The Sights, Sounds Or Smells” Pose:
- Our Hands ALWAYS get cold before a DANCE-OFF!
The “Oh No! The Earth’s Gravity Has Stopped Working!” Pose:
- Smile All You Wish You Goons! Your Onesies Won’t Save You As The Entire Planet Is Flung Into The Darkest Reaches Of The Known Universe. You DO Look Adorable Though…
The “Magic Pyjamas That Show You Your Own, Depressing, Future Self” Pose:
- BEHOLD! THE RAVAGES OF TIME!!!!! AVERT YOUR GAZE, LEST YOUR CONSTITUTION FAIL YOU!! -Sang JEDWARD In Their Song About This VERY Situation.
SOLO SECTION:
The “Yeah, I’m Wearing Pyjamas, Don’t Mean We Aint Gonna Fuck Tho!” Pose:
"Damn Gurl, You Know Nuthin Gets Me Hotter Than You Lying There unconsciously Helpless, YEAH YEAH!"
The “I’m An Aeroplane, LOOK AT ME!!!!!!” Pose:
- This One Comes With A Card That Just Reads “Great Job, Buddy! Great Job.”
The “Guy Who Just Watched The Silence Of The Lambs Before Bed, And Wanted To Try The Tuck-Back Pose” Pose:
- “Would You Tuck Me In? I’d Tuck Me In!”
The “Guy You Met At The Bar Earlier That You Thought Would Be Your New Friend, But Then Realise He Wasn’t Just Being Nice By Letting You Crash At His Place” Pose:
"Eh..... I'm.... I'm Just Gonna Get A Taxi Dude. We Still Good For Bowling Next Week?"
The “I’m The Guy That Rented This Apartment Before You, And I Kept A Copy Of The Key, And I Like To Visit While You Sleep” Pose:
"Worry Not, For While You Sleep, I Keep You Safe From Trolls That Try To Steal Your Breath."
- George Fox is a Comedian/ Writer based In Dublin, Ireland. He can be seen performing live at numerous venues across Ireland. Follow him on Twitter or Facebook to find out dates for upcoming shows.
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