Irish Presidential Candidates And Their Bewildering Campaign Pictures

Giles Brody brings you pictorial analysis fresh from the Irish Presidential campaign trail.

Take that Bin Laden…

If you thought Mary Davis supported Al-Qaeda’s attacks on New York then prepare to feel very foolish indeed. In this picture Mary Davis lays a wreath at the 9/11 memorial in Donadea Forest, Kildare, paying her respects while simultaneously giving the middle finger to terrorists everywhere. A spokesghost for all who died on that fateful day thanked the presidential hopeful, adding “Now we can all finally be at peace”. Not pictured was Mary’s recreation of Philippe Petit’s 1974 high-wire walk between the two towers, which she was goaded into posing for by a local photographer for “a laugh”.

Source: www.marydavis.ie/mary-davis/media/images/

“I feel I dreamed you into life”.

Séan Gallagher was on the campaign trail in the Glebe Primary School in Celbridge, Co. Kildare when he and an unnamed lady posed for this Bus Eireann tribute to the “Sleepless In Seattle” poster. Note the bubbles loosely connecting the two. Without them it looks like a friendly staring competition, but with them it appears that Séan’s chin has “thought” this lady into existence.

Source: www.seangallagher.com

“Do you like me? Do you think I’m nice?”

Martin McGuinness, the man whose comment “Most people don’t care if I was in the IRA or not” launched the creation of the I Beg To Fucking Differ Martin Party was always going to have an uphill struggle. Despite his contributions to the peace process and his diplomacy in Stormont, there’s no getting around the simple truth that he’s a scary looking man. Look at him turning on the charm for the benefit of this terrified tot in some weird hardware shop that seems to sell milk along with the Bloody Mary the child is nervously sipping. The stuff of nightmares.

Source: The Irish Times

“Why can’t they hear me?”

According to his campaign slogan, Gay Mitchell understands our past and believes in our future. This is important information as it differentiates him from the rest of the candidates who all firmly believe that the world is going to end in 2012 and see the Presidential race as one last spree before those aliens the Mayans borrowed money off come back to blow us all to hell. In this picture we see Gay Mitchell and former Taoiseach John Bruton casually observing the living like Scrooge and the Ghost of Christmas Past. Ghost of Christmas Past Bruton wants Mitchell to hear first hand from the people of Ireland about how absolutely nobody is talking about him.

Source: http://gaymitchell2011.ie/2011/08/24/gallery-2/

“And what do you do? You’re a puppet? Very good.”

I was always taught it was unkind to make fun of one’s appearance but there’s not denying that Michael D Higgins, more so then any other candidate, looks the most like a puppet. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. He just does. By now you’ve no doubt seen lampoons of his campaign poster where Mac from “Mac & Me” or multiple characters from Harry Potter and gotten a guilty snigger or two. Well the jokes on you because this picture of Michael D with some Galway krusties shows him embracing his felt side.

Source: Galway Advertiser

“… and you can do this, and you can do that…”

At the Carlow Institute of Technology, Senator David Norris delights students with his interpretation of Christopher Walken’s a-moovin’ and a-groovin’ famously showcased in Spike Jonze’s video fro FatBoySlim’s “Weapon of Choice”. He dodged questions about his health, disability claims and bureaucratic favouritism by jigging about some more before asking disinterested computer science students what their favourite passage in Joyce’s Dubliners is.

Source: http://norrisforpresident.ie

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

Dana out in form today offering people a dandelion in exchange for a blood oath to vote for her. Its been an interesting week for God’s co-representative on Earth. First the allegations that she lied about lying about her American citizenship (didn’t hurt Dev) and then details about her alienating half her family over a financial bust up. However, thanks to the backing of her right wing American country music fanbase and creepy website protectthepope.com, she’s doing well in the polls   (no she’s not, she’s coming in dead last – Ed).  Dana’s slogan boasts “A President You Can Trust”, not like that no good dog murderer Mary McAleese, whom we left our dog with only after she’d specifically promised not to murder it.

Source: Irish Times

Perhaps Dana should embrace her roots and appeal to her people more directly.

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